Life - All dressed Up in Fickle Finery and Fridays Finest

Spring is like life, mostly. One day your soul deep in enchanting mystical musings , picturesque moments, lacy pretty outlooks, Alei Shure aspirations and Kedoshim lectures and promises.
And life is a perfect sunny late April morning in Madison Square Park.
The spring intoxication does have those hangover side effects though & before you can say Groundhog day, you find ureself contemplating pits / spent cherries and abc crabapples that have abruptly taken the place of the pretty pink blossoms that must have flirted their way through life till they hit mud. While you were blissfully tanning through the branches.
You notice that the ethereal lacy picturesque moments have become mundane summer tree moments. The pretty petals fade pretty fast into the windblown path of perpetual spiritual bliss.Scattering all the petals of unanswered questions and quests along in flutterlike fashion like little petulant flower girls
Life's fickle like that.

Think Pink

Never ignore an opportunity to laugh/cry/learn/give/embrace/connect/love/hug and or photograph Madison Square Park in its fickle lace spring finery.Especially on a fine sunny workday afternoon.

Blackberryed Irish Brilliance Sparkling on Bathroom Stall Wall

My starry eyed divine inspiration and intervention for this tedious Tuesday came unpackaged via this Irish gem sparkling with innate wisdom (I wish i knew the author). It landed in my blackberry inbox in the wee early afternoon hours. Thanks in full to exceedingly erudite and astoundingly astute Ryan who photographed & blackberryed this piece of bathroom humor, after coming across the poetic piece in a bathroom stall.

It just puts the tedious, the tacky, the tasky , the pesky, the picturesque and the sappy happy happenstancings .... all in their proper and respective perspectives.

If I only knew how to paint with colors like Ambiguous Gray , Wtf White and G-d are you listening Green, Y me Magenta, Already Been Screwed That Way Sage,Cubicle Lover Coral, Plan ahead Purple, or Stop & Think Pink...... life would not be such an iridescent mess of rainbow opal colors.

Running around and off the edges. Like aimless energy and runaway tears running amok and short circuiting along on the wayward neuronal circuitry tracks .....in no particular order or picture.

Merry Un-Moppable Myopic Moping

My favorite wordcombo of the morning is- myopic moping. Moping does have those subtle mystic yet myopic connotations and subtexts. Sort of like brooding, but brooding sometimes excudes an intellectual kind of aura/borderline brilliance based. Brooding also generally presents as a valid /self explanatory and logically erudite emotional conclusion to a sequence of events.Moping on the other hand has that dopey/myopic image problem. Like, nothing some fresh scent clorox wipes cant clean from the molding moping memory banks.
I think both are intellectually based emotional pursuits that should be pursued often for a refreshing emotional/mind makeover.
Merry Moping !
Update :my favorite word combo now in a sentence : A merry morning or month messily muddied by moments of un-moppable myopic mopings/musty musings & misty based mysticism.

Religious Nuance/ Neurons /Neuroplasticity & New Knowledge

So my question for this thirsty thursday morning, does neuroscience and religion have any kind of intimate relationship thing goin on. Or is it strictly that dualism deal. Or like a platonic relationship with perks and potential ie; sleep together in the same ethical/ moral bed, hug often in the spirit of spirituality and friendly friendship connection thing but .......no all the way.Unless either neuroscience or religion gets too drunk to know otherwise and then its little neuro-religious junior junkies running around. Anyway........

Slate has some profound new neuroscience pieces . Train Your Mind Change Your Brain is actually a fascinating book. Its basically a collaboration of buddhism and neuroscience. Do any other religions enhance/interact or allow for neurocientific discoveries/ conclusions /erroneous assumptions/ false impressions/profound realizations/ misconceptions /notions /valid conclusions/messing with the personality/fixing the personality. Or at least offer some sort of spiritual directive on this neuroscientific stuff. Like its ok to re-route some of the neuronal circuitry system routes and program the impulse control or free will parts to mimic Mother Theresa's sense of altruism or Palti Ben Layish's sexual discipline as long as you keep the general laws. Its back to the same question of if i could tweak my brain to react accordingly how does free will fit in here and all those promises of heaven and the afterlife for those that do sin . And a toasty place in hell for the merry sinners.

Spring on a Heady Hangover Sunday

As I trudged drunkily past the scintillating scents of spring,the pastel colored hyacinths in crooked lines of swerving forward . And traipsed trippily right past the pretty in merry colors tulip patches. Missing many opportunities to jump up in hyper happy spirits celebrating the white lacy branches of flowering trees flirting in the wayward wind. In addition to being delirious and oblivious to the daffy daffodils strutting their yellow blooms and stuff. And instead spending part of a perfectly pretty sunday afternoon time puking my excess adderall and alcohol imbibing up in the bathroom. It was at that very long string of sunday afternoon seconds that I just knew. I just new that at the end of the day or night it was all worth it.

Yeah as sappy as that sounds.
And who are you to judge what sort of sappy happy happenstance, I choose to flavor my syrupy life of maple sugar moments with.

This piece of random poetry has been brought to you in part by the "Hangover Foundation for Getting Over". And is dedicated to the undulating waves of innate nausea that threatened to knock me out right on top of those pretty tulip patches /clay pots of hyacinths and daffodils/and right under those lacy white cherry tree blossoms.

Also, G-d, I know ure pulling the strings, will you ever stop just letting go in the middle of nowhere. I dont need to be reminded of how much a pre-programmed puppet named predestination, I really am. Even when I pretend I dont.

Cheers/Hugs and Happy Spring Imbibing and embracing. There is nothing like the pure and unadulterated comfort of a long embrace.
Sooo comforting under the comforters.

Jadedism Judaism and Jade Lounging

My artfully tart and tartfully artsy blackberry retorting buddy spotted this depressingly impressive cornerstone of Jadedism on a random NYC street corner, One fine work day when we were soul deep in repentence/religion related conversationing. And then artfully proceeded to photograph this jaggedly spent Jade Lounge all decked out in splintered panels and withered wood in varying hues of musty maple/rusty rail and bitterly brown.(redundant usage of said picture for reiteration purposes only) Its radiating the kind of jadedism, I hope I never confront alone in a dark myopic moment, even if I have to.

Dancing with Determinism/Prancing with Predestination/ Flirting with Fatalism and Free Will

So Aside from issues like is there a G-d and how many ..... and the endless debates on mind over matter -dualism/monism/materialism/determinism/causality/free will/mental force/volition/meditation/neuroplasticity/medication/psychotherapy........Neuroscientific discoveries in general keep promoting new debates /questions and disconcerting contradictions and cloudy conclusions .

Between the ancient neuroscientific discoveries that are constantly being fine tuned /perfected and new ones constantly discovered , one can basically tweak the parts of the brain directly related to fear/logic/ reasoning/ free will/ choice/impulse /pain and so many other parts of personality.

So fiddling around with the prefrontal cortex and free will /will and related activities, ok according to fatalism would probally have no effect on end result. According to determinism the fiddling would probally just be part of that complex causality theory. According to predestination and Judaism specifically pirkei avot - "everything is predestined but freedom of will is given".
So is tweaking the chemical levels that would affect free will physically on a prefrontal cortex or other brain part level is that considered an extension of general free will or overstepping those nebulous spiritual boundaries into flirting with fate and messing with mysticism territory.

Even basic elementary concepts like our purpose in life is to avoid sin and do acts of kindness and that whole free will versus preprogrammed concept doesnt make much sense if we can tweak our brains to react accordingly.Whether through mental force/meditation/ medication or surgery.
If an individual with an overactive sex drive and too many partners takes a personality dulling dose of stimulants to eliminate excess sexual neediness is there credit issued for discipline of which the actual neediness was eliminated?

What about religious discipline and adherence due to chemical fixing/medicating. Why would credit be given if there is no challenge involved.
Are preprogrammed robots rewarded for their fine sense of cognitive choice and decisions.How about robots that are fixed ?

Lets not forget about those SSRI's and stimulants that really mess with personality. Personality pruning is not as simple as it presents.

At what point does free will mess with frivolous free for all and flirting with fatalism.

Less than Lucid Elucidations on Spring Sensations

So Spring this year feels like a series of random focused snapshots /sensory disconnect sensations/lucid elucidations/cloudy conclusions/processing errors/tedious tasks/ rusty realizations/ colorful photographs and the occasional fun wordplay neatly scattered, wordlessly in the scrapbook of life.Bound barely with thinning threads of spent personality/ chance/luck and irony. One frayed photograph at a time. Framed cynically in a whimsical shade of sparkle, with the settled glitter and sparkle dust of happenstance gone by. Displayed by default in no particular order.

Brain Taffy/Mending the Mind/Re-Bending The Pliable Perspectives of Dyslexic Reality

I think everyone should take a summer sabbatical from cubicledom and just spend the days roller coaster riding/ sunning/roadtripping/laughing/ photographing (see above pic for ethereal ABC Carpet and Home Autumn window) and finding the color and sparkle in hum drum daily living.

Its actually a necessity for those blessed with second hand brains.

Second hand brains are annoying and sprain easily especially in dim colorless cubicles . They often read objectives/missions statements/ reality/directives/goals/ obligations /change and related activities in dyslexic english with lateral subtexts and nary a linear connotation in sight.

I guess there's lots of good stuff out there if one is in need of some brain tweaking taffy, cortex correcting candy, serotonin levels fixing sugar or some rum for a reality check.

Clinically speaking, there's actually a plethora of magic powders (md approved) for dulling or re-arranging emotional pain in neat, channeled, linear sequential thought processes ,carefully encapsulated in colorful capsules. Other happy r us helpers include those baby blue tablets for tears that are running too often & bubble gum pink tablets for creating one's own personalized hum drum skinny existence out of hyperactive energies running amok .

So you can function all skinny in your new focused hum drum existence.

For the splintered minds and fractured souls , a simple M-tab will melt away the divides and fix the perpetual picture of reality ....constantly photographed in split format.And then u got the Glitter gel caps that help capture the joy of a chemically balanced living, and all sorts of pleasure seeking and pleasing pills for swallowing the bitter pain of raw/ uncensored emotions clogging the arteries of emotional health.

And then there's always the controversial Ecstacy for connection enhancing ,channelling of the energies towards the acute stages of unadulterated ecstacy.Fabricating fickle moments of euphoria has never been so easy.

The problem with second hand brains though is that at best they are decidedly predictably unpredictable .And have everything to do with the ever increasing disadvantages the end user is generally challenged with from core visual and emotional processing errors to endless sources of rampant energy running amok.

Basically its like giving Jittery Jade a thoroughly researched personlized Ritalin or Adderall dose to follow daily and giving Hyperactive Crystal a hodge podge of natural stimulants like Focus Factor/Caffeine/Red Bull/diet pills to fabricate some focus with. Jittery Jade will probally have a better life mission statement worked out.Hyper Crystal will think about her mission statement every now and then .... but will probally spend most of her life trying to get her energy channeled properly using second hand OTC assistance.

Is the brain that cant reckon good, responsible for the day of reckoning or does G-d accept the recalls.

Prancing High Horses and Holy Horse Shit

So I recently received this small manila envelope from an anonymous sender.
Folded neatly inside was a sanctimoniously laced apology/forgiveness seeking message sprinkled liberally with bullshit/ biblical quotings & preachy directives ,typed tackily on fake floral stationary with the occasional big word .
Oh and a Chofetz Chaim lecture neatly tucked in.
Apparently, some individuals aka "caring classmate" from my religious high school have decided to do a
a mass appology/seek forgiveness mailing with a light unto the nation theme .
My thoughts :

A) Remove my name from your sanctimonious mailing list immediately.
1)You guys really dont change - contrary to your personal beliefs ,the world does not revolve around you and your holy projects and light unto the nation themes , please get off your religious high horses and clean up your own holy horse shit. I personally have long deleted any files associated with that despicable poor excuse for a high school, as such your names are not recognized in my current database of people I associate with/think about or forgive.
2) Typing tackily on fake floral stationary is not ok for this sort of mass mailing apology/forgiveness seeking project
3) Why are you sending me chofetz chaim lectures- clearly you should be listening to them yourself.
4) You guys still make me puke with your everpresent sanctimonious bullshit even after quite a few long years.

My suggestion to you and your droopy friends in sad states, stop suggesting what others should be doing, reading, listening to, who they should be forgiving and what they should be thinking about.
Start with yourselves, the first step is awareness - awareness that you are absolutley NOT G-ds gift to judaism. Even if you know way more navi than me and dress like nuns with no sense of fashion. Then start reciting the Iggeres Haramban every day and actually listen to
the message.
Oh and dont send me stuff ,ever. I clearly have no use for your personal updates or the preachy directives prancing out of your pious projects.To be precise, they are puke inducing. Just so you know.

Winterberry Wonder

Before I start giving the utterly ethereal /flirty/flowering spring trees my undivided attention, I think those pretty cherry red winterberry trees deserve some color recognition.
I think they should definitely be given some sort of best use of color award for persistently promoting color and cheer in the dreariest/ bleakest and bitterest of situations.

Think Pink

I actually encountered this ethereal think pink flowering tree one warm Saturday back in January at Riverside Park .

Dont Fall In

Yeah , those slushy NYC street corners are quite conniving with their "pretend surfaceyness" but they will so "deep slush" you, when you least expect it.
Over and over again actually, until you learn to sidestep the corners and walk in circuitious routes avoiding all potential deep slush pit corners.

Tedious Tuesday's To Do List

Tuesday's Tasks:

Pop Adderall.

Recite the Iggeres Haramban letter and spend 10 minutes of precious morning commute time communicating lofty thoughts and caring altruistic prayers to

G-d.

(In the faithful hopes of ensuring successful completion of today's cubicle curriculum schedule.)If you pray for others the altruistic energies boomerang right back supposedly, though this should not be the intial intention probally but its always good to practice altruism.

Arrive ten minutes early to work to override consistent bad habit of latecomings.

Work hard, stay focused all day.Pop Adderall often. There's nothing like feel good focus helper.

Those candy boxes of days gone by just never heard of Adderall ."Dope" is not everything.

Though with the Adderall, sometimes I feel like my personality is on vacation. I'm not sure whats more important, sitting focused and working hard or having a personality.It would be lovely to have both .I guess G-d wasnt in a good mood that day when he was putting my brain togethor

Tan tenaciously during all 30 minutes of lunch time.Arrive (outside on next street with public outdoor furniture) early , for best view of snatches of sun between tall buildings.

Sun-dream of winning many different jewelry design awards simultaneously.

With a heavily concerted focus on that best use of color and design category.

Arrange weekend hyper-happy sparkle and glitter party for nieces.

Purchase seasons pass to Six Flags.

Pop more Adderall.

Plan a garden

Contemplate going Greyhound or cruising on the Crescent

Decide that responsiblity comes first as does committment and all related fun words not related to runaway.

And that should probally be it for another day in the life of a "Groundhog Day"

Tea for Tuesday anyone ?

Pondering at Peculiar Pub

Peculiar Pub is the perfect place to ponder perplexing stuff with friends.
I've sorted out lots of complicated stuff over these tables.
I've also done alot of listening to others here.
There's something about alcohol that makes listening a whole lot easier.
"Time really does fly when ure havin rum"
For the rest of the time though there's Adderall.
Life short though, and times a wastin.
The question is what the fuck should I really be doin with the time.
Its soooo hard getting up every morning and just goin for another Groundhog day. Hopping on to a Greyhound at Port Authority is always tempting.
As is boarding the Crescent to New Orleans at Penn Station.
Or even that Vermont Train.- I should really live for the moment - the snow is melting .......
I keep forgetting why I need to be working so hard and for what and how long, how many when/ where and how often.
I dislike mornings, any morning.
Especially Moody Monday Mornings though.
And then you got the whole Tedious Tuesday ahead of you, YaY.
Wimpy Wednesday is right around the corner all mediocre and neither here nor there really just spacing out in middle of the week.
Thirsty Thursday is the day you should be looking forward to though.
And Sunny Saturdays at the shore.

The Joys of Rejoicing

Random Stuff To Rejoice About, In No Particular Order :

Chandelier touring at ABC Carpet and Home (see above pic).

My Fixed Blackberry.
Bon Jovi’s new song.
My Nieces and Nephews .
Grays Anatomy.
Adderall .
Spring .
Flowers
Flowering Trees .

Sharon Begley's new book .
My Comprehensive Shotglass Collection .
The plethora of men that want to sleep with me.
The fun fact that I’m still at the same cubicle and it’s been a month!

I LOVE MY JOB !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Amusement parks are opening their pearly gates of fun in less than a month!
Aimlessness.
Directionless.
Persons of the unadulterated altruism persuasion, that dispense focus and care.

The magic charm of the Iggeres Haramban letter.

And then there is the rustic everyday reality that just overrides stuff, alot of stuff by rusty default. The kind of rustic reality that you just cant build charming cottages with quaint front porch perspectives out of. Its more like those bitterly abandoned sheds with barely an ounce of self respecting paint left..... just spacing out at the edge of large properties not likely to be influenced by optimistic gardens and flowers. Maybe a windowsill garden though and a charming crystal chandelier or six .

When life hands you a glass ..........

When life hands you a glass, go for the flower gazing in a glass vase motif.

It generally works better than alcohol and related liquids (even lemonade) in providing/ perpetuating persistent optimsim and other fundamentals of faith.

Especially in the morning.

Go ahead, make Pollyana proud- she's definitely smiling smugly in Pollyana heaven.

Fixing the Focus/Crocuses and the Crux of the matter

Life is mostly all about the focus.Experiencing the cold harsh winter in all its fickle finery , faithfully until the cows come home/the snow/hail stops sleeting and the pretty in flirty purple crocuses come out to play.I wish I knew how to fix the focus though.

Steel Structure Systems/Tulips and Lips

So today I'd like to thank G-d for spring , flowers , bulbs ,zinnias, roses,tulips, cosmos, petunias, color /flirty flowering trees and related floral activity . (See last years tulips in NYC pic above for imagery purposes only).(Always live in the past..... it helps perpetuate the fun in dysfunctional...& under a whole new light).
There definitely is nothing like Spring, for the perfect distraction.A whole new flowering slate of color/optimism and all things Pollyana oriented.
Oh , And thank G-d for steel structure systems that keeps things in check when the colorful go hyper and start coloring everything an iridescent shade of disarray.
Sometimes we dont know why we have steel bars hampering our growth and painting everything a rigid shade of metallic grey.
Other times we dont know either.
I guess thats why we have the lips..... for verbal accolading , gracious gratituding ,faithful(less) thanking and related activities.

Like thanking G-d for the good, the bad, and the ambiguous.

Back to last years tulips though ....are they doing a way better growth thing with the rigid steel check system here in NYC ?
Would they be better off in a runaway field in some rural part of Holland or would they just end up in a Ruby Red ABC Carpet & Home vase spacing out on a funky pink glass desk.
Or are they merrily making the most of their pretty little short tulip lives stifled and blooming in neat rows of strict color and artful rigidness.

I've always wondered what the best way is to grow as a tulip / zinnia /cosmo or any flower. Is the flower supposed to conform to the garden or do you create the garden to conform to the flower.What about wildflowers are they supposed to change gardens and scenery every 2-3 weeks.

Did I mention I love love love love love love love flowers .