Secure As-A-Well-Threaded-Button

I always hated sewing, its right up there with baking, cooking and birthing. But when I was a kid I utterly adored and took very good care of the household button collection, comprised of the prettiest ,shiniest and sparkliest buttons.

My favorite one was the heart shaped button in the perfect shade of think pink.

I was thinking about my best friends in general recently and how annoying and insistent certain old friends that I've chosen to ignore could be(Brother Bunny not you !) . This reflective activity also reminded me to make sure I'm never annoying to those friends that I really care about and would never want to annoy ever and decided there was one best friend that needs his own post.

My bestest friend at this time is a guy who I will refer to as the guy who is as "Secure As- A -Well- Threaded Button" - SAB for short .

There is something so self assuring/reassuring and firm about the ground he's come from and is always standing on no matter which way he's pulled strayed and frayed to and fro. He's astoundingly astute , artfully erudite and brighter than Dyker Heights or certain Bel Harbor streets on Christmas Eve.

He is one of the best huggers and sometimes things are fixed with hugs.

I dont agree with his kissing philosophies but thats just me !

I dont ever kiss up to anyone either ever- just saying .

The un-predictable wind has been annoying,arching snarkily,medicore/ meanish, biting and weathering oriented. And from all sides of the equation and equator .

Weather these days !

Global warming hasn't been able to reach certain hearts yet it seems or maybe they just don't want to admit it very loudly.

SAB makes sure that the threads of all kinds /stripes and colors that fasten themselves to him and him to them,hold him tight and dear and close in a mutually beneficial non-thread-bare relationship non-commitment oriented non time sensitive and or oriented way (its all about the negatives) .

SAB is the kind of button that could take a frayed , weather bittten,borderline biting, hyperactive, thread bare material girl , an unsold coat from the 2007 collection of Misty n Tina's, Tinsel N Musty Non-Modest Must Wear Outerwear collection and with one quick fastening and button upgrade ready the re-furbished coat for Misty n Tina's 2008's patchwork plaid n sequins spring collection modesty issues notwithstanind. No small feat ! All it takes is some sincere, swift ,smooth ,skillfully deft and in depth SAB moves, and button un-bittering /toast re-buttering and coat re-buttoning (no coat offering or holding required except long hugs). And your hooked and heartwarmed for life. No sewing skills or pre-heated hearts needed either.

Spending time with SAB makes you forget scary hasidic old wives tales written subjectively in certain jewish newspapers that will remain unamed. SAB has been known to thaw out some of the coldest hearts in history, and from all corners of society.

SAB make things better and not the way patronizing annoying rebbetzins do.

( I DONT HAVE ANY CHIPS ON MY SHOULDER MiSSUS K ! The MISSUS K who recently insisted on misunderstanding and misconstruing my points on one of the stupidest arguments I ever argued on a different thread. I could not have been as obtuse as you would have liked to pretend I was being. As for your trite book recommendations the hedge one I read back when I was still a newly minted obnoxious teenager. It's always good to have the last word, it doesnt matter if it's on a different thread and the person your arguing with is not even reading it ;-)

SAB makes things better cuz he wants to not cuz he wants others to know he does. SAB pretends he doesn't have any humility but he has more humility than anyone I know.

SAB also helps you not care about hasidic old wives tales that can give you nightmares and or make you barking mad and then some !

SAB if you're reading this tonight, thanks for always knowing all the right buttons to push.And for being the kind of button you are.

You are soooooo my favorite button in my current button collection. Just saying, so you should know.

Jaded Topaz Is Not a Big Girl

I'm so better than that just like the fabric store pictured above , BETTER is the way to live !
When I was a kid and behaving like a smaller child/childish or immature, I used to be reprimanded with phrases like "You're a Big Girl Now, or You Know What To Do or What not to Do" . This phraseology always annoyed for so many reasons.
First of all, maybe I was acting immature cuz I didn't know better, or didn't know what to do or not to do.
And maturity is overrated, as is refined, eloquent and elegant.
Gorgeous n Gaudy Gilted Silks / patchwork plaid (not shown) and sequins (previously shown) are way more fun materials to work with. And simple suits are sooooo last seasons sartorial sensation. Patchwork plaid , plenty of sequins and sparkle are what its all about.

And also I'm actually skinny, and not "big" in any way, so there !

An in depth look at Port Authority Art

So The Port Authority Bus Terminal , right in sync with their catchy slogan"there is more to do here than catch a bus" has some depth depicting art displays artfully displayed on interior wall space. Above is a close up view of "Reflection and Depth" by Artist Yaakov Agam.I love the juxtaposition of acute color /stainless steel and reflexive reflection.
It may not be mere coincidence that I spotted this piece of reflective brilliance and color ,just recently at the Port Authority Bus Terminal, on a night when the wind was out and about biting and welcoming and the cold too brittle oriented for outdoor photography opportunities.

Sometimes all you need for warmth is a little color and real in depth reflection and reflexive analytical ability.

This piece of art was especially poignant cuz I had recently come to the hardcore realization that sometimes when I reflect on the depth of certain connections ,I need color and steel to balance out the subjective conjecturing and concluding, innate intimate/ needs/ wants / moments /shortcomings/loftycomings/callings with what G-d really wants of me.

At the end of the day , year , decade and life term I guess it really is all about G-d.

Why do I keep forgetting this. Will I ever remember when I need to.

What if I just embrace atheism enthusiastically due to a general inability to resolve religious concepts and conflicts I dont understand, will G-d understand ?

A series of subliminal messages from the subway

Just some super subtle subliminal messages, the slogan adorned subway halls were preaching recently in signage language.
Its always good to stop and photograph the signage, dont forget to leave space for the new clean slate effect.

A Mystical Message to Spiritual Telemarketers and Pledge Redeemers

The only spiritual institution I would consider supporting these days , for starters would be this sex museum pictured above.
Just wanted to do a quick shout out specifically to the pledge redeemer folks that keep sending me pledge reminders over at the non-profit organization for non-profit activities .
I'd rather support fine New York City museums such as the MuseumofSex than redeem my pledges . I hereby dis-pledge and dis-own- again, those pledges, please move on persistent pests the postal service doesnt run on spirituality, thank you.
But the question still remains :

If I relocate to a far away city like Bangor Maine , Hope Alaska, New Orleans or Hawaii and immerse myself in or start a new organization like the "Good Heart and No Soul" Association for religion free living and the finest in atheist philosophies ,

WILL I STILL RECEIVE INECCESSANT PLEDGE REMINDERS FROM SPIRITUAL TELEMARKETING ORGANIZATION(S) THAT I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SUPPORTING for pledges I have disowned long ago due to inner spiritual discontentment ?

Ok I made a mistake in 1999 and 2000 and pledged minimal amounts to help concepts that I no longer want to/ wish to /or care to support how can you possible understand otherwise.

Im assuming this outfit is a not for profit racketeer commitee, I havent received any goods or services in return for the aformentioned pledge.

I do hope that any pseudo chance at winning a trip around the world scenario that might have been taken place at the time the pledge was pledged, does not render this a formal agreement. I'm not sure how a one out of a gazillion chance to win a trip to faraway lands would constitue a contract in which we are both acting in response to a mutal committment. But I didnt win so that should not be an issue. ok clear got that , I dont want to hear about any likelihood of confusion issues.

In addition, please note I was under some religious influence and I answered the call in error and clearly I wasn't thinking straight !

Just let it go already for G-ds sake. You guys are worse than vaccum cleaner insurance suckers.

It is now 2008 and I have been studiously ignoring your reminders, mailed to an address that i'm no longer residing at for almost a decade. Don't postage costs mean anything to you guys.

I believe it would be safe to assume at this point in time nearly a decade later , that

I DONT PLAN ON FOLLOWING THRU WITH THE PLEDGES,

Call it a change of heart and mind if you must.

You guys need to update your database software before you start annoying the fucking hell out of nice kind considerate polite and erudite sinners.
Its all about being nice ! And considerate. And caring of course.

Have a merry Friday!

When Life Serves You Screwballs and Swerve

When life serves you screwballs and a swerve, mix up some screwdrivers and drink until you dont know the difference between the screwball and the vodka n spirits coated screwdriver.

Then look up at the bright side. Note that there is still art and color for optimism.

And pretty boutiques that abound around every corner, adorned with unique awnings ,warm and happy about the holiday season.

And there are so many other things to focus aside from the frum screwballs that screw you over, over and again.

That stuff is sooo Vodka under the bridge.

As is the religion they practice. Slivovitz under the bridge, kosher for passover & sabbath.

And all its fees/segulahs and charges.

And dont ever start reminiscing about stuff. It doesnt matter any more.

Speaking of water..........

The "cast thy bread upon the water" slogan has its ways of working out in the long run.

Especially cuz the separating of the dough from the bread before its baked and cast is the womans special opportunity.

So dont mess with women that cast their bread upon the water in the name of giving and caring.

I'm sure the "blessing" and "power" the bread has from that separating could be quite powerful when casting upon the waters.

Yeah i've been reading too many reasons for taking a piece of dough before baking.

And trying to apply a non-baking application to this special opportunity for women of all spiritual levels.

Supposedly as the age old adage goes, the bread that one casts "shall return".

The more bread I cast the less I think about return or even want to personally return .

Sometimes running the other way and never looking back is a return in and of itself in its own way.

What does return really mean or connotate anyway other than regression.

Have a merry monday morning and day.

A running reminder for the runner in all of us

Its always important to stop and read what the pointedly pedestrian/sometimes piercing and or poignant signs in the city are trying to tell you.

Like the purported purpose ever piece of grass (crab or otherwise) supposedly lives for, every sneaker and sweatshirt probally has its purpose in the fabulous and fashionable life of everyday fashion sportswear .

And their personal manufacturer is here to help you achieve that purpose by combining their mission statement with your mission statement!

Its a whole new level of "mutually beneficial relationship".

Procrastination is so the losers of last game season.

Running in style is always in style and never a non- winnner.

There is nothing quite so refreshing as a brisk run, the other way, exceptions may apply.

Also, "Blackberry Tart n Tasteful Retorting buddy" this tart shoutout is for you :

GET ADDERALL Yesterday !!!! = you will be much more focused/ successful and probally happier.

This last pro-stimulant and medicinal sentence has been sponsored by the Artfully Tart and Bitterly Abrupt association for complicated living loving and running.

Non-Crumble Annoying Flavored Humble Pie

pictured above : my favorite Macy's window before the holiday season . This is the kind of dinner table and views I'm trying to incorporate with a concerted emphasis on alcohol though (no connection to any kind of humble pie when i photographed this picture i didnt even know what humble pie was ) .

Non-crumble Annoying flavored Humble Pie

Serves: one self /10 close friends /leftovers can be used for pie in the prick's face throwings, without actually being classified as revenge.

As many of you might know, baking and cooking are activites I generally file under " a complete waste of creative or any kind of energy" .
Over the weekend though I came across the most annoying non-crumble flavored Humble Pie recipe I have ever swallowed and my first thought was to share it with anyone that has bitter pills to swallow.
This just tastes so much more annoying than the ordinary bitter pills of questionable origin.
Its a whole new flavor of innately annoying !!

You will need the following ingredients :

A mean individual that has wronged you.
The exact reasons in legal english.
Reasons why you are so right, your brain hurts when you think about it.
Hardcore Proof of above.
Reasons why clearly the individual is wrong on many levels.
More hardcore proof . Loopholes and legal clauses in your favor.
A brilliant dedicated hardcore caring lawyer that you've known forever and then some.
A hard-cover bible with a bookmark.
A large bag of grudge free mushrooms.
Ego flavored egg nog.

Directions:
Mix all of the ingredients together until you have the brilliant lawyer outlining the perfect sue n win or threaten n win process.
Discuss for long hours until all facts are so blatant its impossible not to win.
Close your eyes and suck in the moments of what it would feel like to win and ruin those that have wronged you in the process.
Focus particularly on how much fun it would be to blackmail the mean, scare the self assured and make humble crumbs of used sugar out of haughty cotton candy twisters.
Have Hawaii and Alaska brochures handy for picturesque "moving on" ideas.
Open eyes and place hard-cover bible in hand, flip non-flippantly to the bookmarked section in Leviticus , where it states oh so simply “do not take revenge” .
Scatter a bag of grudge free flavored mushrooms carelessly into the mix.
Take the ego flavored egg nog Mix generously with strong bottles of strawberry flavored Smirnoff for irony.
Swallow hard often, as many times as needed .
Then do ecstacy/adderall/benadryl/red bull n vodka and a few coke sniffs, you can skip this step if you're more of a straighlaced thrill seeker .
And then take both of your strong willed legs and the stubborn brain and just move on.

Emotional flavors and reactions do differ from serving to serving and depend on the individual end user.
If you are allergic to spiritual logic, please consult your emotional authorities before eating.
There are other options, like the looseleaf bible that can be used in place of the hardcover bible.
Which allows for more freedom of expression and free will.

Enlightening Lanterns/Bitter Pretend-Tungsten Barriers

When life gets disconcertingly dim, and "insubordination" is a problem, throw all barriers to the bitter winds blustering around,specifically tall pseudo frum aluminum pretending to be erudite responsible know it all hardcore tungsten barriers.

These barriers should be second guessed /twisted apart often until they understand how non-tungsten and twistable/ bendable and mockable their reasonings and reasons are.

Its best to just focus on finding those elusive enlightened lanterns and cheery ruby red ribboned holiday wreaths always within reach.

Your success should never hinge on the banal barriers ,miserable, medicore,literally lazy,sincerely stupid, innately insecure self centered screwballs,that have self screwed their miserable selves into well positioned, positions that allow for the screwing of others based on half truths and whole tall tales and well disguised insecurities with hardly a second guessing !!!!!

Does the torah have any opinion on creative revenge ?

Its just so fucking unfair.

Rhyming on the Rocks

I noticed this fully faceted poetic gem by "rhymin shimon" twinkling in the "fuck frumkeit " comment thread and decided to post it in its own little place.

Please note, i've confirmed that some of the facts of life and modes of transportation and parts of the metaphor have been changed to protect the privacy of the prick in the poem and entertain those that have not fallen so deep, that they have lost the ability to laugh hard.
No I personally dont think any kind of pricks frum or otherwise (but especially frum ones) deserve privacy, but who am I to question the prick privacy policy of brilliant poets.
And "rhymin shimon" who apparently has acquired himself a whole religious sounding name is very considerate of others, prick or otherwise.
And I do think "rhymin shimon" his religious name nothwithstanding, deserves a standing ovation and lots of wholehearted accolading/ halo serenading and thank you ing for this poetic piece of iridescent erudition.
I guess the lesson of the evening is, no matter how hard you get fucked in life its best not to fuck back even if that feels better . I'm not sure if praying to G-d to make sure those that have wronged you are fucked for life is ok either.
"Not that there is anything wrong with that"
To the tall frum prick of last thursday yeah you know who the fuck you are oh and the frum rabbi who thinks a little too highly of his dim selfish self -
Fuck You both - May the fake foothold of frumkeit you guys wear so self assuredly fuck you over in unexpected ways.
And as for you tall prick, may your tall tales shorten the shelf life of the respect, you suprisingly command of others.
This goes for the respect you attract for no special reason too.
And may all the tall tales you fabricate and false facts/impressions & images you wish to perpetuate wither like plucked weeds in a hardcore caring flower garden.
I'm just a little sick and tired of sneaky frum pricks and screwballs.

And withou further fuckado here is "Rhymin Shimon's" poetic piece

A man once wore a charcoal suit;
A hat of darkest black.
Yet it pricked his conscience not to
Throw bright crystals off the track.
He would weave her and deceive her
Gaily friendly -- then withdraw
Not fargining jaded loopholes
That the girl collecter saw.
And then this phony faker,
This ebony-clad fraud
Waited for a sneaky chance --
The tzaddik was abroad!
So he threw the crystals out
Stamped them into shards and dust!
And he laughed and stuck his hat on
And took home the frummy bus.
But as he walked from shul to home
That fateful fickle night
Some sparkling challah flour flew
Out from a window, flakey white!
It cascaded 'cross the city
Covered Broadway, east to Park
Then it floated on to Jersey
Like a dusty yoshon spark.
And it landed on a thousand dented Borsalino lids
And some Stetsons and a Roche On some beaver-covered Yids --
And in Boro Park and Flatbush And in Lakewood;
Monsey too Out in crusty old Passaic
And the Five Town through and through
All those up-hats, and the down-hats
All that inky-black-dark felt --
All were coated with that flour Brushes couldn't get it out.
All the broken-hearted black hats
Now were sprinkled flour'y white
But of all the hats in all the towns
Not a one could match the sight
Of that sneaky, sniveling, long-limbed creep
Who had trod that jaded jewel,
Who had worked so hard to make her seem
A vapid silly fool.
But when Jaded tossed the challah dough
Like the ash that Moses threw,
No black head had turned quite so white
As on this phony heartless Jew,
Who went home and brushed and scraped and rinsed
But could not get out that white
Like a plague from ancient times that fell
On one who won't do right.
And 'twas Jaded who baked up that spell
And cursed his dark chapeau
And now she sits and sips a drink
And forgets her curs-ed foe.

Rhymed/Typed and Reasoned by "Rhymin Shimon"


Jaded Topaz disclaimer : any resemblance your tryin to read from this and or connect to any real life pricks is probally purely coincidental.

Fuck Frumkeit

Let it just go fly A faraway kite to never never land.
Happy New Year.
So I think the perfect theme for 2008 or at least part of the proverbial perfect theme is "fuck frumkeit",and its fun to say too !
I would also like to take this opportunity,to start the beginning of a fresh, focused and frumkeit free new year with a thank you note. This thank you note goes out in particular to all the. condescending,haughty meanspirited,innately insecure and utterly fake frummies that have somehow descended their way into my life over the years for whatever reasons.All of you in particular have been my inspiration for this unique "fuck frumkeit" theme.I couldn't have learnt what I did without you pious saints gone screwy.

The sincerely sneaky saintly screwballs were quite the lesson conveyers.The smooth jazz lessons of misplaced piety is the gift that keeps on teaching.
I want to especially thank a particular pious screwball who taught me all I need to know about corrupt frumkeit and the saint like traits of sincerely frum screwballs. I couldn't have shaped my perspectives without you. And for this I am ever grateful.

Its a shame most of you probally won't ever even read this note of sincere hakaros hatov.

"fuck frumkeit"is the new spiritual reawakening.

May the new year be the kind of year you want it to be.

What Color is Your Loophole

Inspiration can be found everywhere, you just need to know what your looking for.
Card in point : A focused organized display card of cheerful material loopholes in a Garment/Fashion District window is believed to be the material spark of inspiration behind the "What color is your Loophole" initiative , initially started to promote a deeper understanding on the real role color plays in the shelf life /general stamina levels and legal durability of a given loophole.
Its a colorful day indeed for Loophole Lovers all Over !!!!
Loophole Lovers everywhere will finally be able to incorporate an innate sense of bold color and irresistable flirty fashion into their unique unquenchable quests for the proverbial loophole.
Whether it be obligation free outcomes/narrow escapes/misconstrued ambiguity/shifting the burden of proof over/alternative choices and plan b or c , a limited number of versatile loopholes will now be availabe in varying shades and hues to complement mood and emotional energy.
Currently, the most readily available loophole color - Ambiguous Amber is beginning to give jaded Loophole Lookers & Locators a musty sense of deja moo and subliminal vitamin deficiency messaging.
Varying shades and hues of readily available loophole color should prove to be the facelift, droopy loopholes in limbo desperately need. And in the process merrily promote a whole new sense of potential opportunity optimism and 100% responsiblity free living.

Happy Loophole Loving and Locating !!!!!!

ABC Windows of Wonder

No one does window decor and color coordinated concepts like ABC Carpet and Home

Tenacious Stella Tina in Tinsel & Stilettos

The Learned Loophole Lassoer/Hug Giver & The Unraveling Strip of Runaway Tinsel Trim (a random piece of holiday tinsel fiction)

Once upon a time in a faraway tinsel town, in a gaudily elegant enclave, there lived a happy go lucky piece of iridescent tinsel trim.

Her full name was Tenacious Stella Tina in Tinsel & Stilettos.
Tenacious Tina was no ordinary strip of sparkly tinsel, replete with less than ordinary aspirations and ideologies.
She changed rooftops/evergreen hedges and bar shelves/bottles often. And managed to do quite well as a dazzling decorative trim intern at the world renowned Sincerely Sparkly Holiday Décor and Dazzle Inc.
Successfully decorating the holiday season in quite a number of different venues and cities over the seasons.
Like any piece of tinsel, Tina in Tinsel encountered all sorts of loopholes/ screwy pieces of corrupt plywood/moldy moldings/polite potholes/warm embraces/comforting hugs/tipsy trippings/cold fireplaces/plastic & real fir trees and even the occasional competitive Urban Outfitter pink and aquamarine colored tinsel trees.
She managed to keep in contact with some of the precious encounters, others were sometimes forgotten about, some she left ,some wanted her to stay, some let go of her, some glittered down on her glaringly when she sounded dim, some adored her for the wrong reasons, while others just used her until she sparkled smarter.
Holiday decorations can be quite competitive.
Insecurity runs rampant it seems, even in tinsel town.
But most of the loopholes and potholes that happened along in tinsel studded Tina’s sparkle trimmed life were mostly just placed about by a higher authority without any known rhyme or reason, but ample opportunity for much else.
Tina in Tinsel missed many many opportunities and often wondered if any of those missed opportunities was actually destiny himself all dressed up.

As the seasons turned into other seasons, Tina felt some of her inner tinsel giving way without much pull and her stilettos were getting kind of wobbly. And it seems as though the laws governing tinsel like analytical loophole negotiating were taking a turn for rigidly stricter. Intricate loophole insights were dismissed and treated as a mere nuisance by higher ups. Concepts that were questionable had been ordained has hard cold facts.

The emotional tinsel and sparkle laws were changing and objectives and goals were getting hazier than a foggy shade of gray. And disconcertingly subjective too it seemed on a conjecturing level.
Tenacious Tina was losing core tear stained tinsel beliefs at every decorative loop turn in life.
Her once sparkly outlooks were dazed and almost confused and generally in a dizzy tizzy.
Why were loopholes losing their inherent value? How could she survive on the threadbare facts presented in colorless foreign languages with equally poor translations? She thrived on analytical & colorful hardcore source explanations not colorless mundane opinionated analysis not up for discussion.

Sincerely Sparkly Holiday Décor and Dazzle Inc. was in the midst of shifting its entire mission statement and marketing campaign towards the Midwest and the general target audience were the elderly Sadie’s and Dorothy’s and middle aged Barbara’s and Samantha’s and their laid back agreeable husbands and their school aged well behaved kids in suburbia.

Life was comfortable in sneakers.
Spartan & Sensible was the new Tinsel & Sparkle.

Tina in Tinsel was losing her old place and there wasn’t much room for potential in her new space. And her costume was starting to fade from lack of use. Her stilettos were not happy in their new position either.Her material costume was the only change she understood.

Inner life changes were not the kind of changes Tina in Tinsel processed very well if at all.
Trimming/streamlining/minimal effort and doing away with that which does not need to be addressed was the mission statement her company seemed to be adopting.
The sparkle / intrinsically tinsel outlooks and bona fide evergreen fir findings were being readily dismissed. Material focus was not encouraged.

Attempts had been made to classify some of the more colorful outrageous loopholes insights concepts under: faux colored paste sequins and tardy sage green plastic outlooks for sample sale use only. There had been subtle murmurings and hints to a general gradual shift from outrageous creative décor/ trim /glitter/ tinsel and color to mainstream holiday bake treats//paperwork/functional lawn ornaments /recipe gift sets and a concerted emphasis on customer feedback and mainstream satisfaction.

Tenacious Tina in Tear Stained Tinsel and Tottering Stilettos felt parts of her material namesake slowly slipping away into the past as she tossed her unstable stilettos into the trash can and continued on one barefoot in front of other splashing noiselessly in the warm rainy city sidewalk. Her tears blended in effortlessly with the raindrops . She secretly hoped the changes in store for her inner self had somehow managed mend with the teardrops and meld into the afternoon puddles.

She worried about the new space in life she was trying to conform to.

She wondered why she was trying to conform and how it even made sense.
What if one mundane, Monday morning she went into a bitterly bland faux fur like spiritual foreclosure seizure and tripped over a bake sale and tall pile of papers for filing and fell into a nearby polite pothole or lanky loophole.

Would she even know if she falls into the ambiguous medium sized polite pot hole named mediocrity?
Succumbing to the harsh light of the anti glitter glare and the fumes of ruined cake bakes/lady aide societies/customer service/sensible accounting rhetoric and related tedious tasks.
She imagined she would eventually lose all her carefully cultivated/hardcore caring tinsel outlooks and argument oriented sparkly perspectives in one fell swoop.

As Tina in Tinsel sat in the rain drenched park, stiletto less, watching her tinsel and sparkle material costume come apart at the seams, she tried to imagine what G-d had in mind when he created her.

Did he want her working for a friendly mainstream midwest holiday decor company.

A snarky funky caring downtown holiday decor company

Did he want her decorating and adorning vodka bottles on bar shelves.

G-d did create tinsel and sparkle for a reason.

What sobered Tina in Tinsel mostly though as she sobbed, shedding sparkles of tear stained tinsel all over the polite piece of corrupt plywood she was trying to decorate, was the hardcore realization that her “Learned Loophole Lassoer” won’t always be able to catch her and hug her.
And growing up /responsibility/hardcore change and other uncomfortable shifts of life were waiting right around the corner.
Whether she wanted to turn the corner was actually irrelevant.
The corner with all its changes was ready to come meet her all the way if need be.
She sobbed harder real tinsel tears, as she attempted to create her own loopholes and matching loophole catcher using the tearstained pieces of iridescent tinsel.
She didn’t have enough tinsel for matching “excuse filled” handkerchiefs.

As the tear stained tinsel pieces dried off, she broke off the piece of corrupt plywood and constructively spelled out “words can never spell how thankful I am for the loophole lassoing / locating/hard long hugs & especially for the tinsel dream catcher(ing) and insights”.
Tearstained Loophole Tinsel, it turns out was the perfect thank you card font.

The plaque remains on the Learned Loophole Lassoer and Hug giver's fireplace mantel to this day where it serves as a constant reminder of the importance of tear stained tinsel loopholes,and most of all the implicit importance of the Learned Loophole Lassoer and life photographer fixing tinsel outlooks/hug giving and catching and fixing the moments before all the tinsel wears off and there is nothing left to photograph. For all this Tina in Tinsel is especially thankful this holiday season.

Merry Christmas!

Dear G-d

Dear G-d,
Why Me?
Couldnt you have picked someone a little more qualified, to do the job,especially the tedious mundane tasks that insist on acting as the gift that keeps on working? Just curious.
It would also help if the mission statement was just a tad less opaque.
Also the rampant myopic inlay and optimistic opal underpinnings on accepted opinions are way over the top.
Pippi Longstocking would probally have a hard time with that.
Pollyana opining is not something I understand emotionally.

Love
an ex-spiritual employee

The oh sooo Likeable Lickable Liquor

So its that time of year again....... on the merry go round of life.
Merriment and merry making make the world go round.
Dont drink and decide though, the ability to reckon is rendered useless or impaired when all liquored up and puckered out.
Have a merry month.

November's Poinsettia's in the Park

The sun gets tired way too early these days.
At Bryant Park, the holiday festivities are in full swing on the tanning grass patch . And the merry go round is all decked out in poinsettia planters and ribbon. I should check out the holiday boutiques.
I love the holiday season and the sparkle and glitter it has to offer.
I just cant believe November 2007 is over.It was just July.
Where did all the minutes go ?

Petunia's in the Park

Seems like only yesterday,when the Bryant Park sun was finally strong enough to tan under even after work.

It radiated those strong comforting rays of warmth straight through till sunset, as the petulant petunias in clay pots did the slow dance downards,trailing towards the pavement.

I dont especially like, the bitter cold windy and rainy replacement weather.And my tan is fading faster than a spent purple petunia petal.

The sequined non-sequitur sparkling in the window

There is something so refreshing about bolts of iridescent sequins in a window wishing everyone a sparkly good morning in sparkle dust english. Other than an SSRI, It also functions as the ultimate morning, material non sequitur all showcased in window.Sidetracking fickle cubicle dwellers, dwelling on missed opportunities/ reading current blackberry to do lists or just hurrying along in a pointedly pedestrian fashion, against the early morning sunlight of just another mundane monday morning.

But as the hurried footsteps fade away into the dim lit lobbies, another successful day has begun anew, fueled for the most part by the focused rush towards absolute existential functionalism.

Who on earth wants to keep on going rigidly straight on straightlaced street to the cubicle, when you got all this sparkly material flirting at you in the window,beckoning creatively and promising opportunity,creativity,infinity,eternity and a life of sparkle and sequins.

The morning, walk in the city, towards the cubicle is sooo hard.

There is never any time to read the horoscope from the complimentary paper of the morning either. Its always good to know the personal energy forecast for the day.It seems clear, in a serendipity kind of way, that the horoscope from the paper thats handed to me personally in the morning, is the proper horoscope to guage the days relative success or failure rate off of.

How often in life do you get the morning paper handed to you just for being you ?

As for the i'm such a sucker for sequins situation.
I guess the answer for now would be the sequined panel cubicle initiative.
I've started with the first panel, its kind of inspiring and just gives the more mundane tasks that sequined starry halo when you start spacing out.

Its kind of a sequined check system making sure the focus doesnt stray very far.

Wasting minutes at work is never a good thing.

The only sidetrack trouble I still have in my morning routine, is getting past the lobby and all its holiday decor.
Its definitely a sparkle dust and colored light heart throb.

There should be allowances made for tardiness during the holiday season.

Rumination Flavored Rum & Memorable Memoirs

The Shalom Auslander is sooo my super hero writer of the week.
I loved his pieces in Nerve/Nextbook/The New Yorker and elsewhere.
His new book Foreskins Lament sounds like quite the memorable memoir.
His unique presentation, profound opinings /sardonic perspectives are a smooth blend of trusty truisms/realistic plasticity/ soul stripping & searching/ unorthodox humor and rumination flavored rum.
Rumination flavored rum when mixed with the proper levels of profound in-depth analysis/ unhappy happenstance's of the past/,and plenty of outrageous writing talent makes for quite the quintessential must purchase memoir.