Fading Flowers/ Petulant Petals & Spent Blooms

There is so much ethereal fleeting beauty floating around yet there is just as much pain and suffering ,war and fighting and unhappy souls . So the question of the day is why am I trimming spent rose bush blooms , coaxing petulant petunias to continue growing and creating structure systems for my wayward zinnias ,when I should really be on the next plane to comfort the grieving and the hurt .I wish I knew what g-d really expected of me . The free will thing is just way too ambiguous for my everywhere brain. And the sixty sets of instructions in sixty nine different formats are way too sequential thought processing oriented.Its hard to know where to channel your focuses and emotional energies towards. Is going to work tomorrow to brainstorm on how to refocus wayward work energies and mutually beneficial partnerships for profit margin increasing....... is that what g-d really wants me channelling all my emotional energies towards?Was the sitting on a merry maroon task chair typing on a gregory gray speckled laminate worksurface surrounded by dusky amethyst colored panels with an indirect view of the sky was this predestined and hardcoded in the what willl I be doing and accomplishing for the rest of my life program . I wonder if the colors are hardcoded or would that be part of the free will and free freight program . I spend a certain amount of energy towards altruistic activities and I get free freight on the cumulative sinning baggage that needs to be carried around for life. Or I guess the alternative would be repentance on the past sinnings .Then I wouldnt be needing the free freight for excess baggage. I guess praying would be a good idea .Discipline would probally help and pure and unadulterated altruism needs to be my new focus .