Monday, June 26, 2006
There is something so sad and heartbreaking and emotionally final ,regarding the concept of Change. I've always associated the concept of change with final and end of the story.Its soo hard looking back at previous life chapters and just flipping through the pages visiting the characters of years gone by.Its so much easier to just delete the chapters and move on as opposed to flippin back and seeing where why how and what went wrong and fixing end of the story kind of relationships and connections.But the truth is though life is a never ending sort of book and even though you think youve deleted chapters you dont like, they will usually or always re appear in subsequent chapters unannounced like bad houseguests that show up and stay for long periods of time without an invitation eating you out of house and home and then borrowing all your vodka for thirst .So i guess now would be a good time to start goin through the long deleted chapters and fixin connections that went bad for the wrong reasons based mostly on a concentrated mixture of concerted immaturity and pure and unadulterated immaturity.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Literally speaking Sunsets and Sunrises have got to be one of the most awesome concepts around .Figuretively speaking sunrises =new beginnings and sunsets =new endings have got to be one of the hardest concepts to integrate and process .Change is hard and being consistent is even harder after change .Boredom is a close third in the hard to live with category and it soooo messes with choice and consistency.Choice comes in at fourth place. Sticking with decisions rolls right in at fifth place.And alcohol smooths everything out and creates the just peachy euphoria.
Monday, June 19, 2006
So its way back in the depths of December I'm sitting all bleary eyed on the subway one bright early morning jaded and disconcerted and not feeling especially glittery or sparkly-
right before sunrise, goin back to Brooklyn on the endless making all local stops route and I notice that two of my favorite authors/Artists in the world Sloane Tanen and Stefan Hegan have their stuff featured on the subway as subway art .I thought that was way way awesome especially cuz their books (the first one titled "Bitter with baggage seeks same") are so cute and the detail and the content on both the image and the quotes are sheer brilliance . Its always brilliant to find the bright in dim.And it makes the day go by way way happier and more sparkly.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
So I found my favorite brain book in the world and read some parts that I originally had skipped (never read a book in order of the chapters its more fun to skip around to the interesting parts sometimes i think thats how my brain is wired in general i dont ever do things in the regular sequential order if i skip around with the steps its sooo much easier to learn sort of like emotional dyslexia cuz i have no choice as skipping around with sequential steps is a default setting on the emotional hard drive like if you give me an issue i can tell you exactly how it came about back to the source , but following orders initially is soooo hard i guess i just learn things backwards ) Anyway its the most awesome profound and fascinating book of all time its called "The mind and the Brain" By Dr Jeffrey Schwartz and Sharon Begley .I focused all my focusing energies on this one chapter called "Free will and Free wont . The Stuff is sheer brilliance and the writing is awesome with some really great analogies .So it discusses what exactly free will is in correlation to destiny and regarding the brain in general .OK given, I need to always do the right thing in any given situation, but is the data already hard coded in the brain wiring and circuitry.Or is free will really an option .Dr Schwartz points out that focusing on the positive can actually change the neural circuits and stuff.and he sort of proves that there is free will involved even though milliseconds before there is some action in the cortex that signifies the response that would be classified as acts of free will ...so is that action /activity in the cortex sort of hardcoded and subsequent act not really free will but predetermined in the hard coded data of the brain wiring .Its a way intense chapter and needs to be like reread a few times to fully comprehend .The concept of free will and destiny was annoying me for past couple of days cuz i know that perspective shapes reality but what shapes perspective .Emotions ? What shapes emotions the brain and its imbalances and chemical levels and circuit systems .Whose in charge of short circuiting and imbalances.Is the brain the power source on everything or is the heart? Are the emotions bossed around by sertonin levels and neurotransmitters? On a brighter note its soo complicated knowing what to put your focus on . Was this Job/Relationship/Friendship/Amusement park visit/affair /screw up meant to be am i supposed to put all my available focusing and concerted energies into make stuff work .How do I know i'm supposed to be making this work .Are screwups hardcoded in the destiny formula .If they are then why not enjoy them or not feel guilty as this was part of the formula and u cant argue with a formula or do u get to change the formula for the same results but different coding or equation of your choice and its all in how u get to the answer ? I always did abhore and detest and definitely dislike Math . So the destiny thing is complicated and not knowing what to focus on is more complicated and having to depend on Adderall to focus is the most annoying part of all. But life is beautiful and roses rock and flowers r way awesome i should totally become a florist or personal gardener on the weekends this way i have productive weekends .maybe i could do the arrangements for large cities like new york i could so make those large clay flower pots on the avenues sooooo pretty and stuff and i could do the holiday decorating in the winter and i get to deal with christmas lights for a living now that would be way awesome so many options so many roads so many tracks so few traveling options and way fewer valid roadsigns and an expired or used train ticket .
Friday, June 09, 2006
RAINBOWS, have got to be one of the most awesome ,ethereal and magical concepts. I discovered this awesome symbol of infinite color one bleary but almost bright Friday afternoon, when the world just seemed a shade of gregory gray too dark with absolutely no color in sight.It magically appeared out of the cloudy shades of gray sky and helped paint reality in a whole new colorful hyper happy shade of colorful/ infinite opportunity/options light.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Accomplishments for last week (always live in the past it helps preserve the fun in dysfunctionlism) include but r not limited to entering and proofreading hundreds of prescription information labels , into a new database .So the obvious profound question is if i were a figuretive prescription what would i consist of . Firstly its the color you sooo want to focus on by default- but like everything in life ,literal color really doesnt say much about the actual purpose/ function or potency of the medication or life in question .Colace is a pretty in gel Ruby red capsule, Prolixin is a happy shade of pink sapphire , Haldol (mg specific) is available in the most awesome light shade of aquamarine .Vitamin E comes ensconced in a glittery golden gelcap .Depakote comes in varying shades of gregory grey /candy pink and tangerine mellow orange depending on the EC versus the ER and also mg specific and Zyprexa Zydus comes in a lemon yellow m tab that melts instantly upon contact .Adderall comes in a heady shade of light blue sapphire and Nexum comes in a pretty in flirtatious purple capsule .Geodon is your run of the mill midnight blue capsule.Seroquel is just a heady shade of white and white .The externals ie the glitter/Color and sparkledust of everday happenstance in life are just general sidetracks. cannot let the packaging/false advertising and marketing persuade or convince or allow for meanderings on the wrong paths . Second point for pondering how excessive did you intend on being with your prescription for life - QID -four times a day TID -three BID-two or OD -once a day are u an early brk breakfaste bird or a late night hs feathered indiviual or an in the middle path pm or lunch goer .another important question for pondering purposes is what actual route did you intend on traveling on - Intramuscularly with minimal pain ,PO - with minimal tasting discomfort and verbal interactions or OU just visual stuff .So many routes ,so many paths its difficult with the choosing . In addition there is always the ever popular how committed are you reallyquestion . There is always the PRN "on an as needed basis" option to fall back on for the committment phobics- if "consistency is a paste jewel only cheap men cherish" then commitment falls right into the same category .... . on a serious level though the trick is to focus on deeper stuff like where am i going and how am i getting there and why did i choose this route in the first place in addition to questions like do i really need a life tour guide to show me the way or can i handle the prescription writing myself without letting the pretty colors and time frames and committments trip me up . Once the prescription is signed youve got to follow the orders or just DC it. "indecision is the key to flexibility" but keeping to the prescriptions in general is usually a good thing though there is room for changes and there is always the option of DCing the original and getting a whole new prescription it just needs the proper authorization and is definitely an awesome check system and focus objective structure to work off of .and it does make life more simple and user friendly when you got the instructions to follow .
Sunday, June 04, 2006
The question of the day is how numb and hum drum as a bottle of Bicardi rum on a Monday morning ,will I go for supposed Functionalism aka Adderall . Its always awesome to have enough focus to stop and sniff the roses (such as the pretty in coral one featured here).The question is can one survive without the focus. Is just surviving ok .How robotic,numb and default setting driven am i willing to freeze in the name of medicating for functionalism. In addition to minor, no personality factor to deal with .Is medicating away the personality and driving it far into the sparkly sunset the correct way to channel the excess and wayward emotions of misspent energies and impulses .
An interview with Crystal the snowflake on her newest Angel in the guise of modest unassuming blue pill named adderralll. Have you ever closely examined the emotional well being and inherent structure of a snowflake. A snowflake in and of itself and a gentle snowstorm of delicate flurries. The basic run of the mill flurry snow storm seems like a great place structured well balanced eco system community to belong to. Go with the flow but follow your icy instincts and you should be ok. But alas upon closer inspection the fragile outweigh the strong and icy. Unfocus snapping and hyper euphoric manic meltdowns r commonplace and unfortunate consistent happenings according to a study coordinated by the icicle Society of snowflake county. So the question remains how do the strong sturdy icicles Maintain their weather permitting rigid solid exteriors while their delicate snowflake acquaintances fall apart emotionally at a mere brush against reality. According to crystal president CEO and all encompassing and all inclusive boss and bosses boss of the icicle society of snowflake county the complex and profound answer, the superglue of fragile egos and emotional equlibriums and unfocused used ecosystems can be found in a highly touted perpetually packaged and definitely not trite acclaimed mixture of amphetamines ensconced in a pale shade of aquamarine with light sapphire hues shades and undertones blue pill. The only known side effect that may effect specific snowflakes of certain fragile emotional components is a distinct loss of individuality. Snowflakes says crystal may indeed find themselves yearning for the mundane and the trite and the desire to be just like every other snowflake. May be followed by timid snowstorms and subsequent abandoning of flake traits specific and unique to the snowflake soul. The general consensus in snowflake county seems to reflect the icicle society adage" a half a snowstorm albeit mas s produced and cookie cutter flake reflecting robotic lacy outlooks is better than a meltdown ie no snowflakes at all." the current life altering perspective changing concept the icicle society of snowflake county is currently trying to warm up to is how generic run of the mill would all you snowflakes tolerate how hard would you work to freeze the distinct balance of individuality for survival at the risk of snapping. How cold will you freeze for individuality
If ure feeling slightly unfocused and need some color in your life .Dave and Busters is your all encompassing all inclusive answer for achieving the balance and inner equilibrium . They definitely have the most awesome tasting drinks and the colorful presentation is equally impressive.
There is nothing quite like Pink and ABC Carpet&Home's awesome ethereal take your breath away crystal chandeliers to challenge the very essence of a Jaded piece of Crystal. Sort of a new twist on the trite rose colored glass(es) perspective.If youre ever feelin dim or not very bright a quick tour of this awesome store is all you need for a quick crystal color high . On a brighter note Is optimism really the new and improved Jaded antidote . Personally, I think inherent optimism in and of itself is a wee bit overrated and whole lot way too excessively marketed as the panacea for all Jaded ills.Sometimes the glass is really half empty .... or is it the filled to the brim and keep refilling (perferabley with peach absolute for the just peachy outlook ) that will facilitate in the proper perspective focus.The answer though may very wel be the acquiring of a sparkly pink crystal chandelier to focus on in the endless moments of dim ,jaded and sedated elation .