So I found my favorite brain book in the world and read some parts that I originally had skipped (never read a book in order of the chapters its more fun to skip around to the interesting parts sometimes i think thats how my brain is wired in general i dont ever do things in the regular sequential order if i skip around with the steps its sooo much easier to learn sort of like emotional dyslexia cuz i have no choice as skipping around with sequential steps is a default setting on the emotional hard drive like if you give me an issue i can tell you exactly how it came about back to the source , but following orders initially is soooo hard i guess i just learn things backwards ) Anyway its the most awesome profound and fascinating book of all time its called "The mind and the Brain" By Dr Jeffrey Schwartz and Sharon Begley .I focused all my focusing energies on this one chapter called "Free will and Free wont . The Stuff is sheer brilliance and the writing is awesome with some really great analogies .So it discusses what exactly free will is in correlation to destiny and regarding the brain in general .OK given, I need to always do the right thing in any given situation, but is the data already hard coded in the brain wiring and circuitry.Or is free will really an option .Dr Schwartz points out that focusing on the positive can actually change the neural circuits and stuff.and he sort of proves that there is free will involved even though milliseconds before there is some action in the cortex that signifies the response that would be classified as acts of free will ...so is that action /activity in the cortex sort of hardcoded and subsequent act not really free will but predetermined in the hard coded data of the brain wiring .Its a way intense chapter and needs to be like reread a few times to fully comprehend .The concept of free will and destiny was annoying me for past couple of days cuz i know that perspective shapes reality but what shapes perspective .Emotions ? What shapes emotions the brain and its imbalances and chemical levels and circuit systems .Whose in charge of short circuiting and imbalances.Is the brain the power source on everything or is the heart? Are the emotions bossed around by sertonin levels and neurotransmitters? On a brighter note its soo complicated knowing what to put your focus on . Was this Job/Relationship/Friendship/Amusement park visit/affair /screw up meant to be am i supposed to put all my available focusing and concerted energies into make stuff work .How do I know i'm supposed to be making this work .Are screwups hardcoded in the destiny formula .If they are then why not enjoy them or not feel guilty as this was part of the formula and u cant argue with a formula or do u get to change the formula for the same results but different coding or equation of your choice and its all in how u get to the answer ? I always did abhore and detest and definitely dislike Math . So the destiny thing is complicated and not knowing what to focus on is more complicated and having to depend on Adderall to focus is the most annoying part of all. But life is beautiful and roses rock and flowers r way awesome i should totally become a florist or personal gardener on the weekends this way i have productive weekends .maybe i could do the arrangements for large cities like new york i could so make those large clay flower pots on the avenues sooooo pretty and stuff and i could do the holiday decorating in the winter and i get to deal with christmas lights for a living now that would be way awesome so many options so many roads so many tracks so few traveling options and way fewer valid roadsigns and an expired or used train ticket .